The source of my low mood has been found and dealt with and this afternoon brought good news, relief and some time spent with my mother which is not something I do much of. The good news is my mum is free of any signs of cancer, we spent the afternoon at the hospital while she was in day surgery, clean bill of health thankfully. I was very very nervous as the last time I did this it was my grandmother and I was the one told she had cancer. So I am relieved. We dropped Pixie off home with my brother so she could Webkinz her heart out and headed to the craft store. We got lost there a good hour at least, I was getting paint and a few extras for Pixie and Mum went hog wild on jewelry making supplies, so I helped to hook her up as I did a lot of it in college years ago. Such wonderful gear they have! I may have to consider getting back into it.
While at the hospital she was visiting with nurses she has not seen since she worked there nearly 30 years ago, she proudly announced my desire for nursing school next year (works nicely with my massage therapy, which ends the month before the nursing starts) and it was rather surprising to have heard. Proud parents is not something I have experience with, my grandparents were more demonstrative in that respect so to hear either of my parents say they are proud of me is always a surprise.
Last night we had a month old wee boy here, my sister's best friend brought her baby by and oh!!! I was hard pressed to give him up. I cuddled him as often as I could, battling my two sisters for him. I would love another baby and having him, smelling him, seeing his sweet face and toes and fingers...I"m hoping it happens for me at least one more time before the 'factory' closes down for good. Hopefully I have ten more years, mum suggested a sperm bank once through school...lol...all the baby with none of the custody issues...hmmm...
So, rather randomness here...something is shifting...again...Interested in seeing what July brings, still waiting on what the astro lady has said a couple times earlier this year. That July brings lot sof good things and a definitive forward motion after so much stagnation since last August (blasted Saturn and Mars!). Here's hoping...In the meantime I"ll savor the slowness this month has brought and enjoy my time with Pixie as well as getting into my exploding garden...so much finally taking off. Such a huge turn around from last year when I was just getting my garden in this time last year. Now I have radishes each day and potatoes nearly ready for digging...squashes should be ready in a month's time. woohoo!
First off! It's a William Butler Yeat's birthday! Got to love Irish poets from Dublin, birth city to a few of my great grandparents...rock on. Including one of my favorites from him
The Fiddler of Dooney
William Butler Yeats
WHEN I play on my fiddle in Dooney,
Folk dance like a wave of the sea;
My cousin is priest in Kilvarnet,
My brother in Moharabuiee.
I passed my brother and cousin:
They read in their books of prayer;
I read in my book of songs
I bought at the Sligo fair.
When we come at the end of time,
To Peter sitting in state,
He will smile on the three old spirits,
But call me first through the gate;
For the good are always the merry,
Save by an evil chance,
And the merry love the fiddle
And the merry love to dance:
And when the folk there spy me,
They will all come up to me,
With ‘Here is the fiddler of Dooney!’
And dance like a wave of the sea.
I've just returned from The Cursed School (TM) where I've enrolled into the Massage Therapy program so looking at 4 days a week traveling to and fro, signing up for workstudy since I'll have loads of time available there. Hopefully this will cover cost of gas, truck upkeep and supplies needed for the course that financial aid will not cover (grrrrr). going to keep trying to apply for private loan, slowing building credit so it has to come through for me soon...Also pimping myself out for scholarships, somethings got to give...So I start school July 7th, and in about 14 months will have my license...so...if'n you're needing a massage, you know which witch to give a shout to...Going to take other classes in various therapies once graduated so I'll have lots to offer.
One of my younger brothers graduates from high school tonight, damn...where has the time gone? I still see him as an adorable towhead with the big, smiling, liquid brown eyes...Now he's nearly 18, moody and breaking hearts...*sniff*
Could use some ++++++ finance-wise...trying to find out where the hell my CS is, he;s been working for a month! About to put another call in to CSS, this is ridiculous and if something doesn't give soon I'll be out on the street corner with a wiggle and a "haaaaaay baby"
So, I've had this message for awhile, to focus on healing arts and I figured I'd do that after getting through nursing...So I would have a good income for my girl and then come back around and focus on the "alternative" therapies. Everything has been a struggle school and job wise and I fought the current and persisted. Which brings me to today, over a month out of school and still no job, the nursing program 6+ months away and me lost as can be...all due to my own stubbornness...I know those of you who have been with me since the beginning here are throwing your hands up and saying "finally! You stubborn woman you!". Honestly this shows how wonderful and patient the Goddess can be, I've been such a trying, tenacious soul....Not listening, trusting or believing that things will improve...So these last few days have been soul opening, kundalini awakening in a huge way and clouds lift. Now I hope that I get the confirmation that I have finally chosen wisely by these financial obstacles lifting out and easing back. So this morning I asked where do I need to focus on my path and the Goddess Oracle gifted me with the following...
IXCHEL (Medicine Woman)
You are a channel for divine healing power.
Commanding power is not the same as demanding it . Demanding comes from a childlike place akin to a tantrum, based on the fear that it might be withheld. Commanding is based upon the sure and steady knowledge that you are part of the Great Spirits grace and wisdom. You're a lightning rod that can conduct the power. Simply connect to the power through unyielding clarity of your throught processes. Don't waver for a moment in your sure and steady decision to be a conduct of the power that already resides within you. Connect to the even bigger source, and allow it to amplify your natural power. In this way, you're a steady connector of the infinite, from the infinite and to the infinite. In other words, it's all spirit around you, through you and in whomever you're healing.
Various Meanings of This Card.
You're a healer You're being healed The situation and/or your loved one is being healed. Honor your healing knowledge and abilities Learn about healing Teach the healing arts Start or continue your healing practice
HATHOR (Receptivity)
Allow yourself to receive. This will increase your intuition, energy and ability to give to others.
You have a maternal side to you that naturally cares for those in need, yet this must be balanced with receptivity or the flow is blocked. Receiving is the essence of feminine energy, and it means allowing yourself to receive with grace and gratitude. If you feel guilty when asking others for help or if you feel bad about receiving gifts, then you block your feminine energy. Your receptivity is just as natural as your nurturing, giving energy. Receptivity allows you to better hear the voices of the angels. When you receive, you have more resources to give to others. Begin by noticing the hundreds of gifts you receive each day, whether it's seeing beauty in nature, witnessing a touching human moment, or being hugged by a loved one. Simply say "thank you" for each gift, and know that they are filling up your storehouse, keep the divine flowing strong.
Various Meanings of This Card.
Be still and listen Release guilt about receiving Ask for help Increase psychic awareness Know that you're in a learning cycle. Healing is occuring. Be more in your feminine energy Child conception, pregnancy or birth including adoption or favourable custody arrangements are issues in your life.
SARASVATI (The Arts)
Express yourself through creative activities
You're a limitless being. If it seems that you have time, money, or other restrictions, it's simply because your mind is focused upon the material world. You can unlimit youself by lifting the cloak of the material world from your focus. Music is essential for the expression of nonmaterial ideals and energies. Music colors our surroundings with emanations from the highest vibrational fields. It allows us to escape all limitations in our thinking and very existence. Surround yourself in music, and allow it to stimulate your own creative thinking and to spark new ideas. Flow with the music, and give yourself permission to investigate and experiment with putting your creative ideas into action. Enjoy being limitless
Various meanings of this card:
Play music, sing, dance, draw, paint, write or do something creative. Study or change to a career that gives you creative freedom. Take a creative class. Invest in an artistic hobby. Keep a journal of your creative ideas. Join a writing club or other creative support system.
It finally all sunk in, or at least I think it has and I revisited the Massage Therapy program I've been toying with for a a week or two and have just contacted the school to make arrangements to get in for the diploma program which starts the first week of July. Wish me luck, I sure hope I've read the messages correctly this time....lol
Oh and Chicoryflower? That tarot read? I just EEEKED as I realised I've approached this schooling thing during Mec Rx...eeeps! So when you are feeling up to it I think I might like that reading before it goes direct...
So the margaritas last night weren't completely detrimental to my day yesterday, I had a few epiphanies while in my highly buzzed state. I completely love tequila and it loves me far too much and then the love just gets spread all over the place. It was joked that my theme song is "Tequila Makes My Clothes Fall Off"....not familiar with the song but know the sentiment well. I can only drink when I am safe from horny men as tequila does away with any rational thought. We'll be making margaritas at the Solstice gathering, I think I'll be safe....
Anyway, on to my moments. I was poking about researching lemniscate and from there found Ouroboros and from there the quote "as above, so below" and nearly fell off my bed. That quote is one I had used for years on my weblog, the message was there but the meaning had not quite sunk into my consciousness. This snake energy has been making itself known for over a year now, I am thrilled that I am finally at a place, opening up to see how the pieces all fall in place in a way that I 'get' it. My run ins with Shakti lately in addition to the snakes, all comes back to kundalini. Heavy transformation ahead, work with the subtle body, pranayama, yoga yoga yoga and see where this takes me. Kundalini yoga is new to me but the more I read the more I see how necessary it is for me...It seems to focus energy on the spine and the endocrine system, my worst two areas in my body. It's about discipline, something that is lacking when it comes to meeting my own needs. Fascinating. I've just met someone deep in this practice and after what felt like I answered one thousand and one questions she announced that I am experiencing a kundalini "awakening" whether I like it or not and that it has been going on for some time unbeknownst to me...That everything that happened last year and the year before was necessary as I was not in a place where I would fully realise where I need to go. Everything that has been occurring to and around me suddenly makes more sense, it explains so much! Now to let people know that their nocturnal visits in the last six months or so from me have been completely unaware to my lower self save a brief memory of a "dream" upon waking...So thanking me for a good visit goes to my higher self who seems to like to travel. lol
My balance of lemniscates and elements...now to make those infinity symbols into snakes...
I've always been a Celtic deity kind of girl so this Eastern influence that has been flooding me in the last two years is finally starting to make sense. Interesting that it kicked in after I started regular yoga practice. (which I need to get back to). My financial, love and mundane lives may seem like they are in the toilet at present but my spiritual life is soaring, now to get everything else to catch up with it. I see now that everything going to shit was necessary, to stop me long enough to listen and hear what I have been missing. Last night I dreamt rather lucidly that I have someone coming into my life to share this journey with..as to their capacity in my life, that remains to be see but it shall be very interesting as we Librans do love company.
How exciting and so much energy....So much to process!
Hmm...I wonder how much of my aura photo with it's reds and golds surrounding me told me this a year ago and I missed it...sighs
While I didn't get an entire day of quiet I got a fair amount and it was so productive! We were up early, 6am so Pixie could ship out for the day with her father...she returned by 3, tired and sunburned...grrr. So my quiet time came to an end, it was still productive however, I stood and pondered as I hosed Pixie and her two younger cousins down. I began with yesterday's DailyOM, of laying our burdens down...it was just what I had needed and last night I did just that before falling asleep and again this morning.
The day was spent in quiet meditation in various forms...I put in tomato seedlings for my mother as the sun burned off the fog and heated the air quickly. Then I spent time with morning yoga outside...hot and sticky! After escaping to the cool darkness of my room I sat and did some reading and work with crystals. More meditation and with this came some symbols and clarity. First off was Silverwolf's take on the yin yang/elemental balance- style. I tinkered with his work last night and came up with the following using some of my photography.
This was what I took with me during my inward journey, thank you Silverwolf..(and OMG Chic! unreal that we had the same moment with this)
I've been focusing on breathing and suddenly I was down within myself, very small and feeling quite safe in my "steph shell". It was there I saw a snake in the infinity symbol and kept hearing "patience".....I just surfed a bit and found the connection! Now a bit of background here...My numerological life path number is 8, my life lesson is about patience so this was the knock on the head that finally made me see. I've actually decided what to do with that snake tattoo now as a result...that snake in the shape of the infinity symbol. Still much more to process, I feel so much lighter and the breathing is something I wish to continue on with. Snake, infinity, patience, kundalini...much work ahead.
