You know who you are....you've brightened two witchies' day, week, year...

This has been a most trying month (or months, or years) for many of us, I've been struggling hard with my belief system, feeling the Goddess is not there at all. This last month has been especially hard for a lot of reasons. I seem to be attracting men bent on mind games lately and that only adds to the other added stresses. The message I am hearing (and trying to ignore too, to be honest) is to go back to basics. Get outside, into my garden, focus on my child ( even more apparently) and there is just no me time in the form I would like. Which sucks big time. I'd like to juggle all three (and school) even just one night a week going out and having adult conversation and companionship seems too much to ask. I've got a inner child on the verge of a major temper tantrum and she's not a pretty sight.

Covenspace, and my circle of friends here, has been the most valuable source of love, support and family that I have ever known. A few of you have spilled over into "real" life and have added to it immensely. To learn of such a gangrenous moment in this past week, such viciousness toward another just breaks my heart. Intolerance is something we face from outside the pagan community, to have it come from within is just frustrating and heart-breaking. Should I ever catch wind of anyone talking crap about any of my friends again I will react and it will not be pretty. I have lost an entire group of friends several years ago for defending a person who was being treated badly and cruelly by these so called friends, I have nothing to lose and will give up all if I see anyone being treated unfairly. So be warned, you really don't want to see me flashing my Libra/Scorpio bits.

That being said I'd like to move forward with everyone else. As a group we need to stop a moment and reconnect with each other, reacquaint ourselves with each other, take time to get to know those newer to the group. I have to leave for a long day at school in a few minutes but will readdress this later. I have been extremely blessed with friends here, in the last day alone I have had Em, Orenda and Silverwolf renew my faith in humankind (and maybe even a glimmer of hope in the Goddess) with their ears, shoulders, support and incredible kindness. Em and Orenda have been amazing in listening to my laments over the last several months, to say I am grateful is an understatement, it has not been a pretty sight and they have been so wonderful. In the last year the list is even longer in those who have been so loving, generous and supporting-from sending hand me down clothes for my girl to buying my photos which really helped me to stay afloat when child support had stopped altogether and my bank account went screwy last year. I do not know how to put into words my thankfulness and appreciation to your actions, but please know that it is there. My wish is to one day be in a place where I can return the favors or pay it forward. I am blessed with wonderful friends, this is the one area I have no doubt, you are constant and the most wonderful group of people a girl could ever hope to meet. thank you.

Lastly, I should reread my quote that sits on my sidebar...several times a day!

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration of the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, and it is yours!"

~Ayn Rand

So I"m back, sunburned to a crisp and deeply frazzled from a godawful Tstorm that brought a tree down resulting in a rerouting and adding more time to my long assed drive home. I have left my baby in Maine with my dad and stepmother until I return on Thursday, I want to cry my eyes out already.

I drove through the neighboring town that was hit badly on Thursday, I have photos I'll get up this week but all I can say is shit. I have never seen damage from a tornado with my own naked eyes, much less an F2, it was unnerving and heartbreaking. So carrying that back home I come to find shit going on here at Cspace with one of my favorite witches leaving and there is something going on that I have completely missed? I am ashamed of such behavior from so-called adults that are called friend. Thank the Goddess for my being too busy because no one messes with my girls, and if I catch wind of who is causing my girl pain we're talking wrath of mama dragon here...SO Not Cool.

and with that I am off to aloe my face and leg...damn useless sunscreen.

oh and adding a P.S. would really appreciate added protection and good stuff for Pixie, I'm already having a wicked hard time being away from her and I won't see her again until Thursday night when I go back up. Any and all "stay safe" vibes for us would be greatly appreciated.

The storms yesterday were amazing and horrific, I've seen things I thought I'd never witness in New England, winds and rains so torrential and images on the news of neighboring towns that had such destruction. We were very lucky to have only flooding rains and brisk winds. I am still waiting to hear from a friend who was in the area hit, hoping he is ok. My garden is bouncing back from the pummeling it received last night and after a week of rain is trying to dry out...so much mold I though my molded squash were dead furry animals...ick.

I found the raging of Mother Nature helped me immensely, I am amped up on a few things which are feeding my reaction to the run of crap luck that hit me this week. Today has been a great day thankfully and I hope the drive tomorrow to Casco Bay in Maine will be even better. I'll get a day at the seaside to just release a bit and then come home for 4 days of school and then head back up. Thankfully I love my classes, got passed the nakedness for class bit by jumping right in on Monday, we had option of undies or naked and I went for it...still nerve wracking but I really like my classmates and we all have our own hangups so it's all good.

For Pixie....her favorite bit....snippets of this are frequently recited by my family...drives one of my BIL's absolutely batshit...*giggles* Pixie performed in a talent show at her day camp today, solo and with a new friend...she had a blast and charmed everyone with what she could remember of her Irish Step.....so sweet.

So with the releasing I am planning this next week I am hoping to find my way back to the Goddess...For the first time ever in my life as a witch I am having a crisis of faith which is teetering on atheism. Almost but not quite because there is still that wee voice that dares not fully go there for fear of some catastrophic event that would shake me into seeing what good I do have in my life. I'd never want to lose any of that so I question but don't fully denounce. Funny place to be in and I feel it's hopeful, that on some level I do believe and don't want to eff up anything.

Wishing you all well, I know just how woefully behind I am with you all and hope to catch up reading even if I can't get to commenting to everyone. Love to you all, maybe I'll have a chance this next week while home to spend some time catching up with you all.

My Bumbles, yawning but in my head he's working a rock singer's scream, letting out all that pent up energy..lol

I am so incredibly tired, the anxiety of this past week has caught up with me.  So glad it's over now.  Next weekend Pixie and I leave for Maine to go camping with my Dad and his family. I'll return for my school so she'll be left with them for 4 days and Thursday after school I"ll return and stay a couple of days before we head home and shoot over to the Grove for the Lunasda ritual with the Ravens.  That brings us into August, damn.  Where is this Summer going??  My garden is huge and doing beautifully, I wish my camera was repaired so I could share it, I feel so lost without it, as if a much-needed appendage has been removed. Of course this is the time that so many new blooms are out...grr...

Thursday night I was up at my sister's sitting out and enjoying the Full Moon rise.  My niece and Pixie and I gazed upon it's rich, mellow, yellow-ness when suddenly a bat crossed in front of it and flew toward it, the bright moonlight outlining it's silhouette.  It was an amazing moment.

Herbal harvesting began this week, I brought in a huge amount of catnip-for colds and for kittehs, feverfew for the migraine sufferers in this house, lemon balm (mmmmm) and St. John's Wort.  The herb garden is rather neglected and overgrown, I've done heavy weeding but it needs so much more.  My sister freecycled on two metal witch hat candle holders which spike into the ground and will look spectacular with candles lit in the evenings. Makes a witch grin gleefully and sigh with a magical contentment.  Hope everyone is well, I feel so disconnected from Cspace of late, I try to catch up with a few friends here each day but my flist is so large!  Of course now the pool is calling, I need to go soothe my weary soul.  Wishing you all a great weekend, I'm off for Full Moon magic tonight with the Ravens (albeit a bit belated).