My arrival home last night was deflated with the results of last week's hearing for child support. The ex had me dragged into court because he's a deadbeat and has not found a job in the seven months since he was fired. I learned there that he cashed in various things and sat on $12k for the last several months and paid me nothing until the court ordered him to pay on the arrearages and then it was a measly $25/wk. The order now states he is to pay $50/mo plus $10/mo for arrearages for the next 60 days, so $40 less a month than what he was paying when paying on the arrearages (he has yet to pay for a current month of CS since October. I am so completely frustrated I could cry, I had to drop down to part time in school because of his ineptness and as a result I have to try and fit in some courses this Summer. Not a problem really as it keeps my brain active but I wanted to be able to have a bit of freedom a few times and not have to worry about school. I wasn't rip-roaring angry until 4:30 this morning when it hit me. I managed to calm myself and get back to sleep then had a venting this morning with SIL and stepdad who were appropriately indignant for me. I then had this wash of calm and announced that something good was going to happen and not to dwell on this. Well, it started out good but now I'm panicking about my job search, spending too much time agonizing over "what ifs" that I need a good smack. So I've applied for a few jobs this morning, trying to avoid retail and find something that pays decently and is flexible to Pixie's schedule. I have a fair chunk of availability to offer- M-F 8-5:30 is nothing to sneeze at but still, tough going out there.  I've found one place that I am really excited about, it's as a FT cook in an adult daycare down the road.  I'd be brilliant at that!  I'm hoping to hear back from them and will have to contact them again in a day or so, if it's not filled I really, really want this job-9-3 m-f, I could still have some decent time for Pixie and the garden. So any and all ++++ would be greatly appreciated!

So this morning I decided to pull a Goddess tarot card (did the Goddess Oracle, basically I have to stop worrying..lol) and pulled Fortune/Lakshmi whose message is:

"The generosity of the universe. The ability to be open to abundance. Positive expectations. Awareness of beauty and love."

Soooooo, center,focus and open to abundance. She's been telling me this for months and still I seem to close right up at the first sign of trouble. Will I ever learn? I am striving to do my best with this, more yoga and meditation I think. That keeps me more on the ball and down to earth instead of scudding all across the sky.

I have many more photos of our time with Em and will get them up slowly, I've a chicken pen to build today and am waiting on the damn cordless drill to recharge...eeeesh. So I'll take this time to add more photos to my Etsy shop.